12:50:35 
2024-11-03 
177
According to eminent developmental psychologist Erik Erikson, it is our first 18 months of life that result in the development of trust or shame. When our primary caregivers are responsive and attuned, we tend to develop the belief that our world is trustworthy. Conversely, when the environment is chaotic or hostile, we tend to assume the fault is ours, resulting in deeply rooted shame. [i]
Furthermore, according to the theory of attachment, when a baby’s needs are routinely met, the child forms a secure attachment. This base supports both autonomy and connection, laying the foundation for emotional regulation and healthy relationships. However, when caregiving is inconsistent, children may develop insecure attachment styles.[ii] These individuals often alternate between anxiety /preoccupation with connection and avoidant withdrawal.[iii],[iv] For them, trust is the ultimate struggle.
Connor’s childhood was fraught from the start, as his mother’s attitude towards him made him feel unwelcome in the world immediately (later, he’d discover that it would have been her preference for him to have been a girl). Connor is a perfect example of how being born into an unfriendly household undermines trust in others, the self, and even the universe, as our early environments are the entire universe to us at the time. Thus, not only is our trust in others and ourselves affected, but so is our entire outlook on the world and our future in it. There’s a reason that children born to war-torn regions have disproportionate rates of anxiety disorders, dissociative disorders, and more.[v] But fortunately, healing is always possible.
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