Minimizing Your Own Drama in the Heat of the Moment
3:44:51 2024-04-29 148

1- Think before you act. In the heat of the moment, avoid making a scene over nothing (or losing credibility by overreacting to something that does indeed need to be dealt with). When someone upsets you, take a breath or two before you respond to them. Think of yourself in the third person, as though you are watching yourself from the outside. Examine the reasons why this incident has upset you so you can deal with it in a thoughtful manner instead of acting impulsively. Ask yourself:

  • “Would I be as upset over this if other parts of my life (school, work, family, etc.) weren’t so stressful at the moment?”
  • “Am I really this upset over this one incident, or am I already angry with this person over something else entirely?”
  • “Would this person do the same thing to me if they knew how much it would upset me, or would they refrain in the future if I simply explained why I don’t appreciate this?”


2- Rein in your emotions. You’re not a robot, so allow yourself a moment to feel upset and angry. Give that feeling a chance to wash over you and then recede a little before you react. Resist the urge to attack the other person (emotionally, physically, or both), which will only make the situation much more stressful. Avoid the following traps:

  • Engaging in a tit-for-tat exchange in an attempt to hurt the other person as much as they hurt you.
  • Insisting that you get the last word in.
  • Plotting intricate revenge (or even just plain old revenge) in order to get back at them.


3- Act constructively. Ride your initial emotions out a little. Identify the reason why you felt upset to begin with. Then think of what steps you can take to actually improve the situation, rather than simply extend it. Choose actions that will solve the matter here and now and reduce the chance of it happening again in the future. Consider whether or not:

  • Sharing your thoughts and feelings in a calm, straightforward manner will make the other person reconsider their own actions.
  • Assuring them that they are safe to communicate honestly with you, too, will reduce the risk of future incidents.
  • Walking away from the situation entirely is the only real way to deescalate it.


4- Identify the source early on. When you find yourself time and time again in situations that always seem to escalate into drama, take a step back. Consider each situation on its own. Then compare it with the others. Identify what is similar or constant from one situation to the next so you know exactly when and where to improve your attitude when new situations arise. Ask yourself:

  • “Do these situations always occur between me and specific people?”
  • “Do they tend to happen at the same time (such as stressful periods like finals at school, unemployment, or the holidays)?”
  • “Am I the only common factor in all these instances?”

 

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