Analyzing Your Stubbornness
6:20:19 2024-04-16 217

1- Explore and identify the losses of your life. Stubbornness can be a reaction to losing someone or something in your life. You may be self-protecting against any further loss because the initial loss was extremely painful. Things, people, or family status may have been pulled out from under you. Subconsciously you think if you hold your ground on everything, you won’t get hurt.

  • The root of a person’s stubbornness varies from person to person. Possible reasons include: feelings of inferiority; there may be a secret being protected; a desire to get attention from others; a person is afraid to give up power.
  • Situations that may trigger a person’s stubbornness include: playing a competitive game; a schoolmate might be flunking out of school and doesn’t want anyone to know so he refuses to talk about his classes; a person gets into a debate over something and takes a side just to antagonize everyone involved; a roommate refuses to share responsibility in an issue over expenses.
  • The world filled with stubbornness you are trying to create is not healthy. You will eventually end up feeling isolated, depressed and may suffer other psychological challenges.
  • Did you experience a loss of control when a parent left, a spouse was killed, or your dream job was eliminated? Rather than remain stubborn, learn new and healthier coping strategies including but not limited to: participate in healthy activities that require you to open up, learn about the grieving process, or meditate.
  • Are you passive aggressive because someone in your life always told you what to do and you didn’t like it? Now, when someone asks you to do something you say you will, then you stubbornly drag your feet to make the other person angry. Follow through on your promises as passive aggressive behaviors will undermine and deteriorate any relationship.


2- Ask yourself why you won’t let go of being right. Insecurity drives a lot of human behavior and can lead to anxiety and depression. Do you fear others will think you are uneducated, a low-achiever, or somehow less of a human being if you show your vulnerabilities? Believing you are right when it is obvious that you are not, will ultimately reinforce your insecurities.

  • Admit that you are wrong when it is justified. You will see it is not the end of the world. In fact, you will feel the relief and begin to understand that being stubborn takes a toll on your thoughts, emotions and relationships.


3- Determine what you hope to gain by being stubborn. Being overly stubborn creates a barrier between you and others. Are you pushing people away? Does the barrier make you feel safe? What are the possible pay-offs, and are the results of your actions healthy?

  • Is your stubbornness working against you? Do you want stability and togetherness, yet all your actions push others away? The answer is: it isn’t working for you.
  • Be honest with yourself and write a list of the things you hope to gain from being stubborn. For example, do you think it will make you feel superior to others, that it will keep life from changing, or that you want to prove that no one can tell you what to do? Expecting these outcomes is not realistic. Examining your flawed thinking is essential for change to happen.
  • Write a second list of the things you can do to stop being stubborn, and create the unshackled life you want to live.


4- Seek help if you are struggling. It takes bravery and courage to ask for help. If you are struggling with controlling your stubbornness, contact a trusted source to talk about getting help. There are resources available to you through a private provider such as a counselor or doctor. Talking with someone will help you sort out your struggles and develop an effective approach to handle anything.

  • If you are becoming increasingly isolated, call a counselor or doctor to make an appointment. If you have suffered a great loss, being stubborn can be considered normal for a limited period of time. However, this may be a sign that you may be suffering from unresolved grief, therefore grief counseling will help.
  • Art therapy is also available and can be extremely beneficial.


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