3:59:8 
2023-05-28 
309
I have one of the children whom I can persuade to do almost anything, as long as he is satisfied that I will be disappointed in him if he does not do it. This is really helpful, but I am very careful not to make him think that I am blackmailing him emotionally - since he wants to please me so badly - all I have to do is motivate him. Of course, after he fulfills whatever is required of him, I must remember to let him know how delighted, impressed, happy, and moved I am by what he did.
I have another child who is not determined at all by whether I am satisfied or dissatisfied with him; in his opinion, this is a matter for me alone, but on the other hand, he is very concerned about appearing as a responsible mature person, and this is the way I motivate him.
My kids respond to different stimuli, and they're not necessarily the same things that trigger me (although I find chocolate to be a universal stimulus—but of course you can't motivate your kids with candy. Some of these things are emotional stimuli - acceptance, being seen as an adult, appreciation, and there are other stimuli that are more specific to encourage your child to do what you want - like giving him more responsibilities, a better status, money, more freedom. In other words, the child can be rewarded, for example, by allowing him to cook a meal for the family, or allowing him to buy clothes that he thinks will make him look better among his friends, or even delay the time he goes to bed.
The basic idea here is that you cannot use the same old stimuli with every child; because it will not work, and the result will be that you do not get the desired behavior from them, in addition to not getting what they want. So you have to think carefully about what can motivate your child, and start using it. Of course, the nature of the reward given to your child will change with age, but you will often find that your two-year-old freedom-loving child will grow up to be that freedom-loving teenage child as well.
Likewise, in those rare situations where you will choose to use the stick rather than the carrot, you will find that your children will respond to different types of punishment; You may find that one of your children does not care if you withhold his daily allowance for a whole week, while this may cause grief to another, and you can use the same basic principles that we talked about - freedom, money, appearance, and acceptance.
So, we do not assume that your children are the same, or that they are like you. Sometimes it takes a lot of time to find the appropriate stimuli, but with some thinking and experience, you will find what you are looking for.
You can't use the same old stimuli with every child; because it won't work.
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