The modern mother seeks emotional, spiritual, and financial self-sufficiency in order to build her home, family, and her children’s childhood. Therefore, we often see her lost and torn apart in a world that shows little mercy toward childhood and the family.

There is much talk about childhood. A young mother with her first child finds herself in need of self-confidence and of reading books about child-rearing and the physical and psychological care of children. However, a mother who has been married for ten years and has had four or five children during that time develops her own unique concepts about childhood. With five children, she cannot apply most of the rules and ideas she has read about raising children. Instead, she finds herself confused by the differences in temperament and intelligence among each of her children. In her small family, there may be a calm and serious child, as well as a stubborn daughter.

Here, she must consider the role of heredity and the many factors that come together to influence the development of her child’s character. She may constantly say: “My son is still that energetic child who knows neither calmness nor stability.”

Everyone around her points the finger at the mother whenever there is any problem in the development or behavior of her child. But is she really responsible for her child’s behavior toward society and the family? Does she have to read books in order to apply the opinions of psychologists and educational specialists on raising children? Who is the good mother, and who is the selfish mother?

But the most important question here is: Who is your child? And how do children view their parents?

Many studies have been conducted on young children, adolescents, and teenagers. They found that the image of the ideal parents chosen by young girls and boys does not correspond to the image held by older children and adolescents.

Young children have a romantic and imaginative view of their parents, especially their father. Older children, however, see things more clearly and realistically and may judge their parents even for the smallest reasons.

The ideal image of the father is no longer simply that of a handsome man. Rather, it is the image of a person who enriches childhood, teaches it, and protects it.

However, discovering childhood and understanding its view of parents must be based on very close observation of reality. The parents’ social environment in the past was different from that of the present. In earlier times, a woman who worked outside the home was not considered the ideal mother and woman. According to the prevailing belief, the ideal woman was the one who remained at home and devoted herself solely to her husband and children.

But a child does not merely want to eat, drink, and go to school. He also wants to see his mother looking beautiful and taking care of herself.

This image applies particularly to the working woman who takes care of herself before going to work, and consequently to the mother. A child wants his mother to be active and energetic, cheerful and happy with her life. He will often criticize her if he finds her withdrawn, spending most of her time in the kitchen.

At the same time, he does not want her to become a woman who is obsessed only with her beauty. He loves her to be natural, wearing simple clothes, running with him in the forest, sharing his reading, and participating in his sports activities.

In return, he wants to help her with household chores and feels comfortable when his father shares some of the household responsibilities with his mother. He also treats her gently and affectionately when she is tired or ill.

One of the children says to his friend: “My father takes care of me and my brothers when my mother is outside the house. He also allows my mother to go out and visit her friends.”

A child usually sees the world through his parents. There is no way to deceive him or pretend to have harmony, patience, and courage. He notices even the smallest details and behaviors. He is happy when his parents are united, and sad when he lives in a broken family where arguments, shouting, and signs of violence are frequent.

What matters is for the older child to see his mother and father as they truly are, with their strengths and weaknesses and with their financial and social problems. It is not important for the mother to reveal all her problems to her daughter or to read entertaining or useful books to her. What matters is that she tries to appear happy and open to everyday life.

The same applies to the father. It is not important for him merely to pretend to be courageous and determined; rather, he should live these qualities in front of his child, face the difficulties of everyday life, and be happy with his victories.

Here, the emphasis is on the presence of happiness within the family because it is its daily bread. Hoffmann stated in 1962 that a woman who is treated dictatorially by her husband treats her children in the same way; in other words, she practices maternal dictatorship.

There is also an important point concerning couples who are extremely close to one another to the extent that they separate their lives, interests, and secrets from their children, leaving the children feeling restricted and deprived.

But when the children grow older and reach adolescence, they will direct their sharp criticism toward their parents in order to express their suppressed feelings from the past and assert their existence in the present.

Money, gifts, and material comfort are not enough to make childhood happy! Children need, above all, their father’s attention and their mother’s care and answers to the questions they ask about everyday life and the things they see on their way to school. They also need explanations for the television stories they watch repeatedly but whose narrative sequence they do not understand.

After several experiences and studies I conducted with a group of children, it became clear to me that a mother’s interest in her children does not prevent her from working outside the home. She can behave in a balanced manner, far from nervous emotional reactions. At the same time, the child is happy when his mother returns from work happy and relaxed.

There is an important point concerning mothers who have only one child: they may become excessively attentive to him. As a result, he may become selfish, unable to determine exactly what he wants, and unwilling to allow his mother the freedom to move, discover herself, and find her own place within her family and society.

Therefore, a mother should discover her child through books on child psychology. Such books help you understand your child and raise him from birth through adolescence. They can help you recognize many things that you already know deep inside yourself but tend to ignore when the time comes for real and practical experience within your small society.

Be a journalist and a specialist in psychology. Why not take a look at my book, Protecting the Child, Protecting the Nation, Part Two?

I presented many theories in my book and supported them with practical methods that parents can adopt on the basis of psychological education and an understanding of what is involved in raising children.

Here we ask: What is the mother’s and father’s guide to raising their children? Are books a guide to knowledge and to exploring the depths of childhood?

There is no single guide to understanding childhood. Mothers and fathers rely on their intuition to understand their children. Every mother has her own personal guide and intuition when raising her children.

She uses books as a tool to educate herself and to explore the depths of her confused inner self. Tenderness, a smile, and making others happy are not things that can simply be taught as actions; rather, they arise from within the mother, who uses her intuition as a bright path toward understanding each of her children. All rules and standards ultimately break down before the creativity and uniqueness of childhood.